Back In The Saddle

Alright, so, it's been ages.  I know, I've never been great at maintaining a blog, but that's mainly because I usually lose interest in, give up on, or lose access/use of/etc the item or idea I'm blogging about.  In this case, I've actually been out of commission, sort of.  The weather is turning colder, though, here in northern North Carolina, it's still amazingly warm for the most part most days.  Still, my beloved paths grow dangerous and slick, and I've yet to obtain an exercise bike or treadmill, but I've had a very recent job change that is applying me the perfect workout 4-5 days a week.  I am, once again, a parking lot attendant (I push carts, mainly,) for a large department store.  I've been back at it for 3 days now (2.5, on my lunch break as I write this) and have been making terrific headway back into the land of getting fit.

6.21 miles so far today, did a hair over 10 yesterday and around 6 clocked the day before (that's half a shift, realized Google Fit want clocking my progress at lunch for some reason.)

So, I'll try to get back soon and update on my progress in the days and weeks to come.

And now one about fitness!

Alright!  We're in a bit of a slowdown now, with weather turning cold, wet, and dreary and my paths turning muddy and difficult to safely traverse.  So, what's a guy with little space and fewer funds to do?  Improvise!

Now, I should be able to swing a decent treadmill or exercise bike within the next month or two now that the last of the new surprise bills (taxes/tags on the car,) are squared away!  But, until then, I managed to find a nice little dumbbell set at Walmart.  It's put out by Golds Gym and comes with two bars utilizing these quick release pins that are nice and solid, but easy to adjust on the fly, 4 weights (two at 20lbs and 2 at 5lbs) for a max combined weight of 50lbs between the two hands.  I've also got a mid-range resistance band for some solid cardio and core work.  The dumbbells actually work great for sit-ups - propping one foot under each bar weights me down enough to sit up without lifting my feet with a little effort.

Anyway, I'm still floating about 10lbs off my goal weight but am kicking my routine into overdrive and getting back to the carb-free lifestyle.  It's a bitch, I'll tell you, avoiding carbs at all cost?  Bread, tortillas, sugar (refined or naturally occurring,) rolls, muffins, bagels, cereal... so much shit I never thought about before just looming over every grocery list and quick run to the store.

To get around it all... well, I eat a lot more salad now than I once did.  Rolling meat and cheese up into kale or lettuce, quite tasty and surprisingly filling when you get used to eating normal fillings.  Eggs.  Oh...my...god...eggs.  Scrambled eggs, egg omelettes, eggs over easy, quiche in a cup (no, seriously, microwaved quiche is a thing and actually very good...I'll try to post a video soon,) raw eggs - straight down the hatch - it's the shell that poses most threat, just wash it good before cracking, baked eggs (no flour, not quiche, just a sheet of eggs in a cookie sheet with whatever ingredients you want draped across,) and whatever the hell else I think of or stumble upon.  Eggs are awesome, people.  And no, unless you've already got cholesterol issues, you're fine - did the research, you can do yours, but for an adult male of my height and build, I can take 3 fried large eggs a day.  The bad cholesterol increase is nominal and the good cholesterol increase is substantial.

Ugh, but there's so much more to all of this.  Good spirits and lots of rest are absolutely vital.  In order to get a good workout, you need sleep and a clear mind.  Sure, a nice jog through the wood or ripping a shit-ton of reps off with the dumbbells can clear your mind and get rid of the stress, but it's so much easier to get started in your routine if you've already dusted the weight off your shoulders.  Take my word, a clear mind and positive outlook can be the difference between a good workout and an absolutely amazing soul-filling, spirit-lifting, mind-blowing, I-can't-believe-I-just-muscled-through-that-many-sit-ups sort of workout.  For instance, when I was a kid, I could swing 10, maybe 15 sit-ups, and I mean the lazy kind we pulled when no one was looking.  More of a half-crunch than sit-up.  I was skinny as hell and quite fit, at the time.  My best routine, greatest mood, as of late...I was working out because I was enjoying working out and bettering myself...but it came just about a month ago when I ripped off 30 solid 'real' sit-ups.  To put that in perspective, my idea of a 'real' sit-up involves lying on your back, feet braced, hands clasped behind your head as you pull your torso up and twist at the wrist to touch your left knee with your right elbow, lay back at safe and moderate speed, then come up and twist the other way, touching your right knee with your left elbow - boom, one 'real' sit-up.  I did 30 of those that night.  I then proceeded to collapse upon the floor, gut wrenched in pain and exhaustion, with a huge grin of pride on my face.

Alright, that's enough rambling, off to work out a bit and make myself a tasty mug-quiche.  Best of luck in your own endeavors, friends.

MOVE ON!

I write this as an open letter to any tired, rancid, petty piece of shit I've ever put my dick into (that's not all of the ladies I've held relationships with, mind you, but a good portion, unfortunately.)  What is it that keeps you hanging on?  What is it that keeps you spreading your lies and bullshit through the community that, thanks to YOUR ACTIONS ALONE, you're still a part of?  Rather than moving on, taking your tired, gossiping ass back to where you came from, where you at least have some family and, supposedly, friends - though I don't know what kind of person would keep you around on purpose - but instead of that, you stay in an area foreign to you.  Instead of moving the fuck on and acting, with just an ounce of your being, like a fucking adult, you bitch and moan and spread your lies.  Why is it that you're just not complete without drama?

When things were there best between us, you'd praise me (and RECENTLY, this isn't days of fucking yore I'm talking,) "How'd I wind up with such a perfect man?" you'd coo.  And, within minutes, you'd passive-aggressive the fuck out of the situation and turn a perfectly pleasant, kids-are-in-school-I'm-off-today-we've-got-the-house-to-ourselves-we-should-fuck-like-we're-still-in-the-honeymoon-period sort of situation into the normal hell you make everyone in your life accustomed to.  Because I yawned and you remembered you can't stand the shift I work or that I have to sleep most of the time you're awake, not that you aid in that process any.

Seriously, do you remember when you worked that in-home job you gave up that normal, albeit physically taxing, but steady and solid factory job up for?  That phone job?  That job that would have failed immediately if I wasn't CONSTANTLY on point, swooping in to grab your daughter and run to the other end of the house, closing every door behind me as she began to decompress, exploding into some very you-like scream-fit over fucking nothing!? Or whisper-screaming at your other kids to shut the fuck up so their voices don't trail into your call and get you in trouble!? Do you remember how fucking quickly you self-sabotaged yourself out of that job and left us with no income!?  I was never opposed to being breadwinner, I've done it all my life, this was your game, YOUR request, YOUR need to get away from our children and let me be the homebody.

Our parenting styles differed...HA...you mean I parent, I discipline, and not with physical force, but with loss of rights and such.  You?  You just fucking tuned it out and let them run wild and wonder why they act like animals? Why they have the civility of animals?  Really, it's that big of a mystery to you, why you can't get your shit together?  Outside of the obvious genetic faults, you've done NOTHING to reinforce positive behavior.

Your son is so out of control and, surprise, getting worse?  I'll give you a hint: It's because of you.  No, your existence isn't causing his spiral, your lack of intervention, your lack of regard for rules, your lack of reinforcement of rules and consequences.  He has a curfew, but nothing ever happens when he breaks it.  He has academic requirements, but keeping him on task is real, actual work, so, guess who gets to run off and do anything because it's easier on people.  I remember.  I have the destroyed walls, a remnant of the house I invited you into, flashbacks to the psychosis, the circus, the carnival of fucking horror I let you all turn my life into because I was too ashamed to send you away with nowhere to go and nothing to show for.

It doesn't even infuriate me any more.  I no longer worry for the fallout as I've come to realize that I'm not the only one that sees through your stories and your bullshit.  We all see through it.  It's pointless, menial.  Just stop.  You cry about your woes on social media, bitch to your kids who, in turn, bitch to mine.  The ignorant fucks that actually still let you all stay there are no better the influence, but I'll let that be, they've given me no real to harbor ill will, so will only feel sorry for the burden they've taken on.

I'm tired of hearing about it, I truly am.  Why don't you just pack your fucking shit and go back to the hole you crawled out of?  It doesn't impress anyone.

It's actually nearly as amusing as it is sad because: That I called every step of your fucking process the day I left your life, the day you stopped fighting for our life together and decided to play the fucking woe-is-you-victim.  My exact words were "Now she lingers, runs the rumor mill, fucks anything that moves, leeches off the nearest sad-sack she can sink her teeth into and spin a sob-story upon, and does nothing to even attempt moving on."

It's no wonder your kids act the way they do.  It's no wonder mine are doing fine now that, for the most part, they've been removed from your influence and the influence of your children, other than the bit they manage as they try their damndest to keep my kids roped in.

Your life ends one way - sad, diseased, alone (and or in jail yourself), and, eventually, overdosed on whatever distraction you manage to blow yours and the whoever your living off from's money upon. You're a diseased parasite, an addict, and a gluten who needs to focus more on the therapy and less on lies and drama.

But First, Back On Topic

So today I got to get in my first real run since I had the car issues.  I clocked in at just a little under 3 miles in total travel before my legs said 'NOPE' and it was time to pack up.  I mention this solely because I've only been out of this habit for a week to a week and a half and already, I could feel an insane difference in the levels of stress I could put myself through.

The moral of this story, if you can avoid any breaks in your workout routines, do so.  Getting back into is a bit painful.

I'm still most likely going to be heading out again in the morning as I don't work tonight, and then again over the weekend as I've got yet another weekend off (yay me?)

But yeah, I got a little lazy around the house during this down time.  I had every intention to still work out some, even if I wasn't hitting the trails, but for whatever reason - apathy, lack of energy, the bit of backsliding I did on my diet (4 moscoto cupcakes in one night... it was worth it, don't worry,) - I just couldn't find the motivation to just get to it.  I had no delusions of grandeur, it was going to be simple: Some jogging in place, jumping jacks, sit ups, push ups, etc... but I just never made the time.  I regret that now.  But on the bright side, I think it will be all the lesson I need to keep up on my shit going forward.  Whether it's transportation, weather, or responsibility keeping me from the trails, I'll be making time to incorporate a decent routine in the home to hold me over and keep agile and weathered.

But that's it for now, I'll update soon with a link to the Recipes blog once I get some content readied up and uploaded.  I have some decent low-carb, moderate calorie meals to help keep energy up.

Truth and Other Lies

Okay, from the top.

Typing 3,000 words and then realizing that they don't say what you meant for them to...SMDH.

But, it's funny how relative the truth is to some people.  I've avoided ex-shaming to this point, and will continue to do so, but get this visceral twinge to just let certain things go said unaddressed - so this post is me addressing such said things.

Things said: She claims that she's 'found' that her ex (me) has said things that aren't true to people about her.  I'm not sure how she's found this as, first of all, I don't know people.  I have my mother, my kids, and my aunt/uncle in the area...LITERALLY NO ONE ELSE.  I don't talk to my neighbors, couldn't tell you there names if my life depended on it, and I even worked with one for a while.  I keep quiet, keep to myself.  In fact, I almost never leave the house but to go to work or shopping.  Sure, I go out, bowling now and then, to a friends house an hour and a half away, but not with people from this community.  I just live here.  Literally.  That's all I do.  So, how, when, and to whom have I spoken all these untruths?

She mentions she asked me to stop making accusations about her child.  Firstly, she barked the order that I need to stop.  Secondly, I've made no such accusations.  I stated facts.  My son told me her kid was in my house while I was getting ready for work.  I won't go into any further details of what did or didn't happen with that, but I told this ex that if I catch him on video, I'll press charges.  Nothing else, just that.

No, I haven't accused her son, her, or any other miserable fuck in her life of anything for the sole reason of the fact I don't think about them.  They're gone.  The only time they cross my mind is when I hear from my son or my mother the shit they hear form the community.

My mother, for instance, has lost 'friends' at her job because my ex's son, the one I allegedly accuse of things, has told one of the people she works with that I am a child molester.  I am not accusing her son of this, the gentleman from the neighborhood is accusing her son of this, but in the mean time, has convinced a few more of my mother's colleagues that I am a child molester.  For this, MY MOTHER is shunned.  Not me, not the person these bullshit lies are spread about, no, my fucking mother.

And this isn't the only man her son has made these accusations about me to.  There are other members of this community he has spread these lies to.  I haven't spoken to many, as I mentioned, I'm not the social butterfly, but the couple I have spoken to have been more receptive to common sense than the gentleman my mother has the misfortune of working with.  No, these folks insisted they understood that the information was coming from a child and knew of the child well enough to take anything he said with a grain of salt.  This was not intended as an insult, mind you, they just know that neither of them, her boy or mine, have been notorious for keeping a calm head and minding their business.

Then she gripes about a YouTube video my daughter posted.  A YouTube video she (the ex) had no business watching.  You want me out of your life, I'm out, but my kids come with me.  You don't get to linger and fuck with them, bitch.  Beside the point, that being that her gripe was that my daughter posted a video with the situation a bit wrong.  She didn't, she had the situation spot on, and she did it in such the perfect manner.  Unlike my ex's blog pointing fingers with absolution, my daughter went out of her way to note that this is all speculation and that she does not, nor can she possibly know the full truth of the situation.  She makes it clear in her video that the information she is giving is all that she's been made privy to and that any speculation is just that, speculation.  Hell, the only misrepresentation I saw in the whole video was her mentioning that my ex got into some trouble for waiting too long to do something... she got into trouble for not doing anything at all as it was her kid that started the drama shit-storm to ensue.

So, that's the truth of THIS situation... maybe a bit TL/DR, who knows... it's helped me though, and that's what this blog is about.  Take it or leave it.  But, if you want the true, in depth history of the psychosis that has been the last 18 years of my life, stick around my friends, that's the next chapter.  We're coming in and taking this bitch from the very tippity-tip-top of this motherfucker's adulthood.

Cheat Day

Cheat Day!

I made my diet my bitch, then cheated on it... we're cool though.

Okay, so, but the food, am I right?  Nope, you're wrong.  How do you count calories and still eat good food?  Well, you can actually eat good food all the time, once you learn to prepare good, healthy meals.

But as for splurging, it's actually not so bad every now and again, just try not to go apeshit with it.  Every couple of weeks or so, I'll abandon the single chicken breast with side of veggie plate (I'm not really that boring, I'll try to put a few delicious concoctions up here to help get you started, should you be interested,) or single serve salad for some good prepared foods.  The last outting, for me, was pizza from Millie's (local joint with phenomenal pies,) and tonight I treated the family to Cookout...mmmmmmmmm...Cookout.  Anyway...

I got the Big Double Cheeseburger, a quesadilla, and a side of slaw with a large Cheerwine to drink.  Had them add lots of ice to the Cheerwine as I can't drink soda straight anymore, it's just too damn sweet.  The changes in your body chemistry that come from simple changes to diet and routine will amaze you.  And, on a side note, I am 'typing' this post up on my phone as the family finishes their meals, so, I apologize for any odd 'swipe'-related errors that might pop up throughout - will edit later.

But alas, did I ask the cashier at Cookout how many calories were in my meal?  Of course not.  I just know that between this morning's run and tonight's workout, I've got the calories counted for.  And even if I didn't, in this case, I lose between 2 and 6 pounds a week, so any misstep on account of even a weekly cheat day is easily remedied.  The wider gaps in spacing between are more to keep your body from acclimating to the nasty preservatives, oils, and other garbage in prepared foods.

Now, anything is acceptable on your cheat days, should you choose to have them, but I like to stay clear of the taboo fast food joints (McDonald's, Burger King, Hardee's, and the like.)  The main reason for this is ingredients and cooking methods.  If you've ever seen the documentary Super Size Me, you may have already given up certain fast food joints anyway.  But regardless, these cliche fast food "restaurants" tend to pack far more grease and unhealthy ingredients into their servings than a traditional restaurant or dive will.  There's also serving size.  Many fast food places have portions far larger than a normal person should be eating.  Avoid these, again, don't get reckless.

I can't say for sure that my meal from Cookout was any better for me than a 'Value Meal' from one of those other places, but I know it tasted better, had less grease and fat, and didn't feel so much like lead on my stomach, so I feel confident about my choice.  The pizza back a couple weeks ago, on the other hand...oh, yeah, I ate just a bit too much.  But, I recovered and got back into my routine rather than falling prey to old habits and bad choices.

It's up to you, really, where to go and what to get, but certainly avoid endless buffets and eating entire pizzas to yourself.  A little excess now and again is one thing, but falling back on the gluttony and ridiculous habits is something completely different and should be avoided at all costs.  It's worth the work, believe me.

I highly recommend against 'cheating' more than once a week (on your diet, asshole, not your significant other, never a call for that,) and try to keep mine to once a month, every other week (usually on a pay day,) at most.  The weight you lose, physically and metaphorically, from sticking to your diet and routine so much outweighs any temporary food related elation from such meals.  And soon, you won't even be able to finish meals like these... I could barely choke down the rest of my quesadilla after eating my burger and couldn't finish my side of slaw.  And, even watered down, I couldn't polish off my Cheerwine.  I laughed when my mother asked if I wanted a scoop of ice cream in mine to make floats like her and the kids were having... No, thank you... Way too sweet, way too heavy.

So, yeah, think it through, plan it out, and don't over-indulge.  The idea is to treat yourself to a small reward for all your hard work, not slip back into your old routine and abandon your new, healthier ones.   When you go so long without those old staple guilty pleasures, you'll find that you enjoy them so much more and in such more moderated amounts (less so much becomes more.)

If you ate your favorite dish every day, you'd most likely get tired of it quickly.  So, the truth in the opposite makes sense - if you wait a longer time-frame between indulgences, they'll be more rewarding.  As it so often is with great friends and lovers, absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Back In The Saddle

Okay, so, new day, new post - I know, 6 years radio silence, then this?  Who would have thought.  I actually planned on starting this day with a new blog about the ridiculousness of the world today, then, sweat dripping off my chin to the floor below me, thought...wait...I had a blog about getting fit, right?  And behold, here I sit with some ramblings for you all.  I'm back at it, though, this time with a bit more commitment and confidence and no cooky, half-assed system, just legitimate, hard work.

So, my origin story.  Recently left by my most recent ex due to some bumblefuck bullshit I won't go into, that's not what this is about at all, but it did put things into perspective.  Here I am, 36, fat, tired, lazy, and not getting any better about it and now, single again.  Let me tell you folks, don't let the word single scare you in the least bit, sometimes it's what you need most.

In the last 5 months I've quit smoking, dropped soda's out of my diet, switched to a regimented, calorie counted healthy and well balanced (and DIRT cheap) diet including 3 adequate meals a day and some healthy snacks for while I'm at work, started running regularly (we have this WONDERFUL state park with trails leading all through the woods, been making those trails my bitch these last few days...)  Shit, I've flat turned my life around.

Little backstory, 5 years ago I was broke and getting broker.  Credit was shot in the ass (was 420 the last time I actually checked it,) lost my father's house, lost my truck (it just broke down and I couldn't afford nor see the point in getting it fixed, was an old ass beater,) lost my faith in God, man, and life itself.  Got into some drugs, a lazy, apathetic life style, quit a job I'd had 10 years because I just didn't like the work and was too depressed to put the effort into changing my situation at said job... life was a royal, raging bitch.

At the time, things were still good between my ex and I so I had that, and pretty much only that, going for me.  It was enough to keep my head above water, emotionally, but my body certainly took the toll.

So that's what I was working with - will post a picture of me topless at the time... fair warning, it's fucking scary.

Now, since I started tracking my goals and progress on May 22nd of this year (2017), I've lost just a pube-hair shy of 30 pounds, I can breath better than ever, I can sprint for a solid 30 seconds without being completely winded (trust me, this is an accomplishment,) make it up stairs, down stairs, carrying heavy loads, get through my job (manual labor intensive...) I mean, fuck, I just feel like a new man, as corny and cliche as that might sound.

On top of all of that, I'm taking time to better myself.  I've been reading (or listening to Audibles, say what you will, it's great to squeeze a whole book in within one shift at work,) picked up the violin again and have actually managed to make what sounds like music for the first time (I've put effort into this in the past, just not the way I am now, which I'll get into in later posts - my method, what keeps me going even on those rare days I'm feeling down and worthless, that never completely goes away when you've dedicated so much of your life to other people instead of focusing on yourself - that's key-point 1 there.)

But, I digress - That shit credit score I mentioned?  Between bills and other efforts I've made as of late, I've pulled it up above 500, which was just enough to get me into a car loan with only $300 down - So, from not having had a vehicle since ditching the truck over a year ago to driving the newest, cleanest, nicest, lowest miles driven, mechanically sound, and HOLY FUCKING FUEL EFFICIENT vehicle I've ever had, to say the very least, it's a huge morale booster.  That and hearing that you don't need your family to cosign?  I about shit bricks.

But I digress further, I do that a lot, get used to it... To start things off back in May, I weighed in at a flopping 237 pounds...hold on one second while I go hop on the scale, though this won't be a truly accurate read as, for my tracking, I weigh in daily at 7:30AM to keep it as accurate as possible across the board... but, for this post's sake...right now, I'm at 208.2 which isn't much of a change from my 7:30 weigh-in of 208.6, but note, your weight will fluctuate drastically throughout most days.

Like I said, just shy of 30 pounds, and let me tell you, it has made a world of difference...like, a Jupiter sized world... Old clothes fit, new ones need a belt, but I'm cool with that, I wake up refreshed, not groggy, even when I'm stupid and 'stay up too late', I get work done around the house, make it through my job without sweating buckets and looking like the town drunk... It's amazing, and only getting better.

I've been reading quite a bit lately about different ideas and practices to stick with new routines.  We all have made some resolution at some point... some seemingly rock solid, this is it, "I'm quitting smoking", "I'm learning German", "I'm starting my own company", "I'm..."...losing interest and forgetting I ever made that resolution within 3 months, on a good attempt.  I owe my dropped smoking habit entirely to my ex.  She found this home remedy online...sounded odd, but don't they all?  Said fuck it and gave it a shot... one shot... only once...it worked.  Put 1 half teaspoon of cream of tartar into 8 ounces of orange juice, stir, and drink.  Curbs the cravings, actually makes the taste of nicotine repulsive.  I didn't have an urge to smoke a cigarette, just drinking this concoction every 4 hours or so, for 3 weeks (stopped drinking it after 2-3 days.)  That craving was just because I was bored, had nothing to do (I thought,) and my hands wanted to keep busy.  I fought it.

In fact, I have smoked since... Out one night drinking with a good friend, and when you've got a little buzz going on, I mean fuck... what's better than a good long drag or six of a smoke.  She was kind enough to oblige, many times, but come the next day, no craving.  Stomach actually felt a bit off from the taste of the smoke still in my mouth.  Haven't touched a smoke since.

But from the ability to breath again came the ability to climb stairs without getting winded (the 4 to my back door, at least,) and from that came this notion that, fuck, if I can do this, what's a few sit-ups?  Now I do sets of 35.  Haven't been able to break past 10 since I was 10.  From that came resistance bands for while I'm lounging around at the computer, power walking at work on my lunch break, getting off work to ride out to Mayo Lake, that state park I mentioned, and run the shit out of the trails.

One step, folks, one step in the right direction is all it takes.  That and actually wanting the results.  REALLY wanting them.  You can want to lose 10 pounds and you can WANT to lose ten pounds.  When you want something, you want the result, when you WANT something, you put the work in.  In future posts, I'll cover more on figuring out what you really want and how the fuck you get it.  I'll also be reviewing some of the literature that I've come across of late as it pertains to this little endeavor of mine.

But without further ado, the pics... caution... it isn't pretty.

But, as I work 3rd shift and typically try to keep my sleep schedule on my days off, I'm going to leave you all with just one more bit of advice before crashing...then I'm crashing.  But that advice, if you think you want something, ask yourself why - do you want it for yourself or because you think it will impress someone else?  From what I've found, most of the times you want it for yourself, your chances are much better for success.  Don't lose that weight to impress someone, don't learn a hobby or language because someone else thinks you should.  Do it for yourself and only yourself.  Mind you, you can take all the help you can get, all the encouragement, every little bit keeps you moving in the right direction, but don't start out looking for that shit or you're just setting yourself up to fail.

Alright, as promised, getting the fuck off.  Until next time.